My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
