come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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