Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
