She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
