Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
