I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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