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Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
