I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
