**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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