Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
