His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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