Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
