In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
