Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
