need another drink. this is the easiest way
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
