She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
