I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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