I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
