I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I love black thongs
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
