Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
