The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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