So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
