I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
