hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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