You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
