How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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