remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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