Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
