I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
