i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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