maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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