i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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