I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she smelled like a LAN party
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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