I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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