it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
