their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
