i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
