Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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