The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
