This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When are your genitals available?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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