guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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