Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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