Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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