Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she smelled like a LAN party
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
