Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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