my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
