So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
