Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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