Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
