wat bout pragnant strippers??
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
