She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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