I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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