its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
