i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
