I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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