Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
