I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
COCAINE IS GR8
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
